looking past the crazy

Everything isn’t always about illness. That’s what I think mental health practitioners miss. The focus is on symptoms as if they exist in a vacuum and are not a response to trauma. Sometimes looking through or past the obvious is what is necessary for healing.

What if instead of focusing on medicating a symptom like an uncommon belief or delusion, we sought out the underlying emotions or core needs? In the peer community we meet many different people with many different experiences. Perceptions are as varied as the grains of sand on a beach. I’ve met individuals who were convinced that they were great historical figures, celebrities, or government big wigs. As a peer specialist working in a clinical environment it would have been easy for me to approach them like a clinician and ask about medication compliance. I could have used psych terms like delusional to describe their experience and suggested they see a psychiatrist. But that wouldn’t have addressed what they were really struggling with.

That approach would not address the intense emotion associated with their beliefs. That approach would dismiss for example the enormous sense of responsibility for others of a person who believes they are Jesus Christ. Responding to feelings of being insignificant by asserting that one is Michael Jackson might seem illogical at first glance, but is it that much different from inflating one’s accomplishment on a resume or at a job interview? The desired result is the same, namely, to generate a sense of worth in the eyes of others. And really, who cares if a person believes they are Gandhi if that belief does not interfere with their ability to care for themselves or live a satisfying life?

So, what about when these uncommon beliefs get an individual into trouble with the law or cause interpersonal conflicts? Psych meds alone aren’t going to keep a person out of jail or mend a relationship. That’s when assisting an individual with figuring out the purpose of the uncommon belief is essential. Say my uncommon belief is that I am a prophet and am obligated to physically embrace everyone I come in contact with to demonstrate God’s love. It’s easy to see how this belief could cause me heartache and cause distress for others. One way to address this isn’t to label me delusional, but rather to address my need to show God’s love to others. An insightful peer would ask me to explore other ways of doing this such as volunteering at a soup kitchen or homeless pantry. Finding another outlet to satisfy the core need of this uncommon belief can be more effective than upping the dosage of an antipsychotic drug. Who knows how much more our lives might be enriched by the efforts of this individual.

This approach would take courage and a willingness to look beyond a diagnosis or jumble of off-putting behaviors. It would require that we refrain from judging the experiences of others from an illness perspective and just calling people crazy. This approach would demand that we spend time with individuals going through these challenging experiences and give more of ourselves in support. It’s not enough to nod condescendingly to someone expressing an uncommon belief in the hope that they will stop talking. We need to do more to assist them in working through their experiences.

staying connected

I’m really bad about staying connected to people I care about. It’s not that I’m not interested in their lives, in what’s going on with them, it just doesn’t cross my mind to call regularly. I know that sounds awful, but it is a byproduct of living with schizophrenia. The fact is, I love my friends and family deeply. I wonder about them, worry about them and pray for them daily. But I do have a hard time staying connected.

There are many reasons why this happens. I just go into a few. We all have a finite amount of energy to work with. We have to prioritize how we are going to use that energy to keep our lives moving at a steady manageable pace. Some things fall by the wayside. Sometimes, I use up my energy managing my symptoms. This is real talk. Sometimes I use up my mental and physical energy managing the noise in my head so that I can get through a work day. Many days I come home and barely have enough energy left to engage with my son. I’m like a spent battery in need of a recharge.

I always picture it like this. I have a glass full of water---- that’s my energy. I have to use the contents of my glass to fill other smaller vessels. Those vessels are work, my son, bills, self-care, and so on. Like most people I deal with what’s in front of me. Once I’ve used up my water I’m depleted. Invariably some vessels go unfilled but this is not an indication of their importance.

Then there are the rarely discussed challenges of schizophrenia like an inability to enjoy pleasurable activities and social skills deficits. The clinical world calls these “negative” symptoms like difficulty engaging in friendly conversation even when prompted to do so. These things, these tools of connectivity that most take for granted have plagued me my whole life. It’s only now that they make sense. I am now painfully aware of social cues that I have just never picked up on that have made me appear aloof or uncaring. Painful because of the missed opportunities and for the unintended messages I’ve given off. Like many others living with schizophrenia I feel very deeply, but what’s going on inside doesn’t always make its way to the surface. The result can be misunderstandings and hurt feelings.

All this being said, why not just give in and isolate myself completely? Well, we all need our relationships to stay well and thrive. We need each other’s energy to stay on track. We need each other’s varying perspectives to keep our own perspectives straight. Living in a vacuum gives way to indulging in skewed thinking and unsubstantiated fears. And the bottom line is that our friends and families do need us. We have something unique and special to contribute to their lives. They are struggling too and need our support as much as we need theirs.

Two ways that I think are easy methods of staying connected are standing appointments and weekly check-ins. A good friend of mine told me about making standing appointments. She makes lunch and dinner dates with her friends on a regular basis. This helps her keep up with her friends, fight the tendency to isolate, and stave off depressive symptoms. I came up with the weekly check in and sometimes I fall short. It takes the form of a call or text to let the people I care about know that I am thinking of them.

Final thought--- when in doubt about staying connected just call. We all, mental illness or not, get caught up in our day to day living. But it’s not all about us and our struggles. As much as we need our supporters, they need us. And I’m not saying that it’s easy to look past our own struggles, but I am saying its necessary if we want to stay connected.