Sometimes it’s frustrating when you see potential in another
person going unrealized. It’s almost like we take the other person’s lack of progress
personally. So, if we can put that frustration, that impatience aside, we can
actually support another’s recovery by holding the hope for them.
After all, it’s difficult to have hope when your circumstances
appear bleak, when you can’t see the light at the end of the tunnel. It’s
difficult to look beyond the immediate crisis when you’ve had multiple
hospitalizations, when you can’t find the right combination of medications to
lessen your symptoms, when your family and friends have written you off. It’s
in these sorrowful moments that hope is essential in powering up one’s
recovery. Hope, like faith, looks beyond the obvious towards the possibilities.
It’s in these moments that hope can be hard to come by.
If you love someone who is struggling with making progress
with their recovery you can help them. You can’t fix them or make their
suffering magically go away. Their journey is their own. However, you can hold
the hope for them. You can be a witness to their struggles and a constant reminder
---like a broken record--- that things can get better. You can highlight for
them their successes no matter how small. You can encourage them to celebrate
their victories when they are feeling defeated. You can enrich their lives and
broaden their perspective by teaching them to honor their progress.
These small gestures have a huge impact on how a person who is
in the midst of adversity views themselves. Your efforts, your compassion, your
kindness will make a difference in the life of another person who is tempted, moment
by moment, to give up and given in. We can support those we love who are
battling with the debilitating effects of a mental health diagnosis by being a consistent
voice of hope. This requires courage and selflessness on our part. We have to
put aside our opinions, out tendencies to judge what we perceive as other’s
lack of motivation and our own desperate fear that they won’t get better. I’m
not talking about enabling another to wallow in misery or to be a martyr for
those we love. I’m talking about looking objectively at your loved one and
making a commitment to their survival no matter how long it takes.
How do you hold the hope for someone you care about in a
practical way? Well, you start from a place of curiosity. You ask a lot of questions
to find out what recovery will look like for the individual. Find out what
wellness looks like for them. Be confident that they have what they need inside
them to live in wellness. Help them to discover their path to recovery by
asking them how life will be better when they feel better. Then plant seeds of
hope by suggesting actions that could get them to where they want to go. Don’t
be deterred by negative push back to your suggestions. Change isn’t easy for
anyone. Just gently push back by reminding them what they said they wanted for
their life.
It won’t happen quickly. You have to have patience with the
process. Everyone goes through recovery at their own pace. The light doesn’t go
on for everyone at the same time. And there will be setbacks. People relapse every
day, but even that can be part of the process.
Being an ally to someone struggling is like being a coach. You
can see possibilities for their life that they can’t yet. You know their
strengths and you have confidence in their abilities. Hold on to that for them
and for yourself. The rewards are beyond measure.
