suffering on purpose

I’ve talked previously about suffering when an individual has disturbing or extraordinary experiences that are sometimes labeled mental illness. Often times these experiences can bring about suffering in themselves or at the hands of others in the medical community. Whether the suffering comes from within or without, the fact of the matter is the suffering and its after effects are real. They are real and have very real consequences.

In this post, I want to borrow from the mindfulness community and my own faith tradition and talk a bit about acceptance of suffering. From my experience my greatest and most damaging suffering has come from wanting my circumstances to be somehow different from what they were. I have suffered because I wanted more money, more status, more possessions, more beauty, and in recent years I’ve suffered because I’ve wanted some of my experiences to stop.

It has been in this incessant wanting that I have suffered the most. In the midst of my suffering, the tears, the episodes of traumatic fear, the distressing voices I would call on my Higher Power to take it all away. It never occurred to me to look for meaning in those experiences. It never occurred to me that there was a reason I was having these experiences. It never occurred to me that these were opportunities for real and meaningful growth.

So, over a span of time two things happened for me. An awesome healer suggested I stop fighting against my experiences and really be present for them. She proposed I sit in them and listen to what they were trying to tell me. She suggested I accept them as a part of me versus trying to exorcise them as some sort of external entity. Radical thinking. The second thing that happened was that through the teachings at my church, I came to see that Jesus went through a similar experience. I came to see that He suffered contemplating dying by crucifixion so much so that He sweat blood. And I learned that when He accepted His fate he experienced peace, courage, and strength.

I’ve had many labels over the course of my life, many struggles as we all have and suffered greatly. However, what I have learned that has transformed the quality of my life, has given me peace, courage and strength in the midst of suffering is acceptance. Not blind acceptance, but acceptance with the faith that there is always meaning in my suffering; that there is always something to be learned, an opportunity for growth.

Instead of masking my suffering with food, drugs, or loveless relationships I embrace the lessons. I use the pain to learn more about myself, my strength, my community and I use the pain to empower myself and others. I use that suffering to connect with others to ease isolation, to humanize extraordinary experiences and to foster hope. Suffering on the surface appears futile, but it has a purpose and the potential to heal beyond our expectations.