Self-talk is a common theme for those of us in recovery from
severe and persistent mental illness. But what does it really mean in the day
to day life of someone living with a mental illness? It can be the difference
between a life of misery and a life of hope.
Self-talk are those automatic thoughts or statements we make
about ourselves. They are based on our past experiences, beliefs about
ourselves and even our fears. The most dangerous kind of self-talk is negative
and comes from a lack of self-awareness. We think or say these unflattering
things about ourselves before we have had a chance to even consider the reality
of our circumstances.
My favorite negative self-talk thought/statement is “I’m so
lazy.” In my rational mind I know it’s not true. I know the truth is that I
work hard everyday to do my job well, take care of myself and my family,
contribute to the community, etc. However, this fallacy continues to find its
way into my thoughts, conversations, etc. It haunts me like a nagging tooth ache. And
worse, it guides my actions.
One missed deadline or undone load of laundry and it rears its
ugly head. So what do I in response? I beat myself up for not living up to some
unrealistic expectation and then work twice as hard to live up to some
unrealistic expectation. The reality is that as a single mom who works full
time and has a mental illness, I’m doing pretty well and I’m not lazy. If the
negative thought or statement were only that, we might be okay. However, when
we start making decisions based on negative self-talk or begin to feel bad that
is when we get into trouble.
What I try to do is process my negative self-talk like this. If
I am feeling bad about myself or a situation, I stop and ask myself “what have I
been thinking about?” If I can identify the thought that invariably precedes
the negative feeling then I can do a reality check. So if for example I am
feeling bad about not being able to buy my kid something, the preceding thought
might be that I am a bad mother. Well a reality check shows the opposite. A
reality check is the statement “I am a support system for my son, I give when I
can and he has never wanted for anything he needed.” Therefore I’m a pretty
good mom.
That last part is essential. I replace the negative self-talk
with a statement that counters it. It takes practice and determination to fight
negative self-talk. When I first started using this technique I would feel awkward,
kind of like a phony because I would repeat the statements but I didn’t always believe
them. The great thing is you don’t have to believe them
right off. After a while you will grow to believe them through repetition---
just like you did the negative self-talk.
Negative self-talk is a product of low self-esteem. If you
listen carefully to it you can probably trace it back to a disapproving parent,
unsupportive teacher, a bully, or our own deeply entrenched insecurities. But
we have a choice in what we take to heart and act on. We can succumb to the
thoughts and words that stunt our growth, prevent us from living a life of our
choosing or we can fight it. In the midst of our mental health challenges and
our life challenges we can choose to fight.
I don’t mean to suggest that severe mental illnesses like
depression can be overcome by simply changing one’s thoughts. That would
discount the devastating effects of the symptoms of mental illness. What I am
saying is that we have more control over our mood and actions than we give
ourselves credit for. To live the life we want to live we have to use our minds
and our voices to bring that life into existence. I speak positivity into my
life even when I’m not feeling it, even when my symptoms flare up, even when my
circumstances would have me believe that things won’t go my way.
I would love to learn about other methods and strategies to
counter negative self-talk. Please comment below.
No comments:
Post a Comment